Let’s have a real candid talk about cleaning and shared household duties. I don’t know who claimed that women should keep the house clean but I’m pretty sure they need a good hit to the kneecaps. I’m in a few mom groups on Facebook and on a daily basis there is a mother who is complaining about how her husband is a lazy and can’t be bothered to help her with the house.
It is 2018. In most houses both the husband and wife work. Even if that isn’t the case and the wife is a stay at home mom, that’s still work. I don’t know who started this lie that parenting is easy therefore a stay at home mom should just be able to keep a spotless home.
I’m not saying it’s impossible because I’m sure there are women out there that can manage this just fine. This isn’t for these women, this isn’t even for the women who have a difficult time keeping up with it all. This is for the husbands. I’m going to give you a peek into the life of the average mom so that you can be a bit more appreciative of what she goes through.
Before I go into the daily life of your wife I want to give you some facts.
Your 9 hour a day job is not an excuse for you to come home and be pampered and fed while you leave your dirty stinky socks in the front room.
Your 12 hour a day job does not give you the right to dirty a plate and cup and not put that plate and cup in the dishwasher.
Finally, the fact that you work out of the home does not give you the right to be lazy, sit in front of the TV, and not say thank-you to the woman who held the house together while you were gone.
The fact is this. You had a hand in creating those kids who leave their toys everywhere. Who spilled shredded cheese, they desperately wanted as a snack, all over the sofa. And who have utterly annoyed the woman who helped create them too for the past 9-12 hours that you were out of the house.
Your Wife’s Day
While you were gone, likely working your butt off, your wife is at home slowly losing her mind.
You see that precious angel who is all cute and cuddly when you get home is pulling some devious behavior on your wife all day. They interrupted her morning coffee by smearing poop on a wall or spilling juice or milk all over the kitchen floor she just washed.
She’s heard her name, which is “Mom” in case you don’t know, at least 10,000 times. Snacks have been demanded of her at least 50 times, before noon. Oh yea, and the laundry she tried to do couldn’t get folded because your spawn decided to unfold everything just as she finished folding the last towel.
Let’s not forget the hell she went through running errands that can’t be run later in the evening because the bank is only open while you are at work. Isn’t that convenient?
Have you tried getting a toddler into a car seat after leaving a store when they couldn’t get the candy, bouncy ball or playdough they wanted? No you haven’t, because you always get them something that they want when you do a shopping trip with them, once every three months.
They are perfect angels for you because they get what they want from you. Meanwhile, your wife struggles for 10-15 minutes to get the kid in the car seat while your precious angel is screaming bloody murder. In fact, for that 10-15 minutes your wife is afraid that someone will mistake her for a kidnapper, call the police, and she won’t get to start dinner on time.
She has listened to “The Wheels On Bus” 17 times. She can recite every episode of Super Why by heart. The sandwich has to be cut in squares not triangles. The crackers can only go in the orange bowl. You don’t know the tantrum that’s had when they wanted their juice in the blue cup, no not that blue cup the other blue cup. Sure you only have one blue cup, but that doesn’t matter, your child still wants the juice in the other blue cup.
Oh and the daily meetings. Yes you see your wife has several 20 minute meetings with your child throughout the day. They tell her these super long stories that have to be started over at least twice because they forgot a “crucial” part to the story.
You see your wife has a really demanding and tiny boss controlling her entire life for at least 14 hours a day, if she’s lucky. Bedtime? That takes an hour or two. That’s an hour or two where all your wife is thinking about is ice cream, wine, or her pillow.
What’s For Dinner?
You see you work 9 hours a day and come home and the house isn’t clean and immediately think that it’s ok plant your butt in front of the TV and ask “what’s for dinner?”
Breakfast and lunch dishes are still in the sink because your toddler spent 15 minutes throwing an epic physical tantrum getting into their car seat and then spent 15 minutes refusing to get out of the car when she got home. Oh and that car trip home was nothing but screaming.
You still want to know what’s for dinner? Instead of losing her shit from the stress of the day, your saint of a wife will just smile and say “I planned on making chicken.” Inside she’s praying you will say the four words every mom wants to hear after a day like this, “Let’s order a pizza.”
You will most likely say, “Chicken again?” Which will then start the never ending married people fight of “What would you like for dinner?” Here let me give you a tip, order the pizza or offer to whip something up.
You Point Out Your Wife’s Appearance
Some of you will say something about her appearance. Yea some of you have the balls to do that. Keep it up and you won’t have them for long.
Her hair is up in a ponytail for two reasons. Either it’s clean and she doesn’t want puke, feces, pee, or food ending up in it. Or it’s dirty because she couldn’t get 20 minutes to wash her hair today and only looks half decent up in a ponytail.
Your wife has no clothes anymore. No, she has stains on fabric. You see a couple years ago she pushed a baby out of her va-jim-jam and suddenly every piece of clothing she owned was stained with food, spit up, feces, or urine.
When she does buy clothes she buys t-shirts and yoga pants. This is because they are comfortable and easy to maneuver in when you are trying to pee in a public restroom while holding your toddler so they don’t surprise the lady in the next stall.
Finally, who does she have to impress? The guy that comes home and leaves his dirty socks in the front room, sits in front of the TV, and shows zero appreciation for everything she does? Yea, ok.
What You Can Do
Stop complaining about your 9 hour a day job and join her in cleaning the house. Take over bedtime so your wife can watch an hour of TV that isn’t Super Why while eating ice cream. Take the kids to a park on Saturday so she can have one day of quiet.
Here’s the thing men, your wife is not a maid. She is a mom to the children you two created together. She is not your mom. You two are partners. You don’t help her, you do your part to making sure the home and the kids are cared for. She stays home with the kids while you provide the money. When you come home though the house and kids are an equal partnership.
You not doing your part around the house shows your kids that it’s totes ok for mom to handle everything. You being lazy shows your kids that they too can be lazy. Don’t teach your children these things.
Say thank-you to your wife and give her a hug. That 1 minute of hugging your wife will most likely relieve most of the stress of the day. That thank-you will make her feel adored and appreciated.
I do want to thank you men out there that act like this though. I want to give you a huge thank-you. I appreciate everything my husband does for me and our child a little more every time your wife complains in a Facebook group about your laziness.
I don’t have to ask my husband to do anything he just does it most days. He works hard, gets up with our son at night, let’s me sleep in on occasion, sometimes cooks dinner or orders a pizza, and loads or empties the dishwasher from time to time.
I don’t bitch when he spends a day gaming. There are no complaints when he takes a nap in the afternoon. Finally, do you know how utterly attracted I am to this man? He just might get lucky tonight so he should probably say thank-you to you too.
The fact is my husband and I have an equal partnership deal here. We believe we are both responsible for raising our son and taking care of the house. It’s time for some of you to up your game.
Shared Household Duties
Guys, seriously just start doing your part around the house. Let your wife know that you are in this partnership. Understand that your wife works too and her boss can be a screaming banshee that tests her limits and just when she is about to lose her shit becomes the sweetest cutest child ever.
The only adult interactions your wife has on any given day is you. Be there for her, cook dinner for her or clean up the dinner dishes. Pick up your socks, say thank-you, and appreciate this saint of a woman for putting up with your spawn all day.
It will not take much to make your wife happy so give it a little bit. Trust me that little bit will make all of your lives a lot more enjoyable. There is one rule and you know it to be true, “If mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.”